Bolton's On The Job

James Lileks accompanied the US' new ambassador to the United Nations on his first day at work:

3:17 p.m. -- The afternoon sun is getting hot; Bolton discovers the shade is stuck. He calls building services. He is informed that the shade has been stuck since 1966, that the U.N. Commission on Window Treatments was convened in 1967 to address the matter, and is scheduled to meet again in 2006, once India withdraws its objections to giving the rotating chairmanship to Yemen -- as one of the founding countries, it has the right to the chair, but when the nation split in two its claim to the chair was remanded to a subcommittee, which went on a fact-finding mission to a French drape manufacturer and never reported back aside from annual expense accounts from a beach house in the south. The Plenary Commission on International Shade Accords, a separate body, has recommended that any action on drapes or curtains be postponed until the U.N. building is renovated, or that a large movable curtain be erected across the street to block the sun, but this debate has been stalled over an amendment condemning Israel's treatment of Venetian blinds in the Gaza Strip. Of course, now that Israel has begun withdrawal from ...

3:24 -- Bolton hangs up, cuts the cord, and the shade comes down.

"Brilliant!" as the Guiness dudes say. Read the whole thing.

Monk

Update: Acording to the ever-accurate Scrappleface News Service, UN SecGen Kofi Annan has again proven the UN's value to the world's suffering and oppressed:

Sudan Rape Victims Get Free Copy of UN Report
by Scott Ott

(2005-07-29) -- In another display of the value of the United Nations, Secretary-General Kofi Annan today announced that women brutally raped by Sudanese government forces would each receive a free copy of the latest report documenting the widespread, savage abuse.

"It legitimizes their suffering and lets them know that they are not alone," said Mr. Annan, as he held aloft a copy of the 29-page report. "This is why the United Nations is so desperately needed in today's world. We will continue to take bold action in producing reports on the rape and abuse of Sudanese women. The U.N. exists to fearlessly monitor tragic violence against oppressed people by government forces in our U.N. member states."