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Former BUFF driver; self-styled military historian; paid (a lot) to write about beating plowshares into swords; NOT Foamy the Squirrel, contrary to all appearances. Wesleyan Jihadi Name: Sibling Railgun of Reasoned Discourse

Monday, September 12, 2005

Back to Katrina....

Okay....back to death, destruction, bad drainage, and disreputable humor. Let's have some fun at the expense of all the High Dudgeon, Righteous Anger, and "George Bush Personally Engineered Katrina (A Very Germanic Name) To Ruthlessly Kill Innocent People of Color" crowd, shall we?

The inimitable Iowahawk starts us off with some of the less-reported aspects of the Katrina disaster:


Decrying the federal government's response to the Hurricane Katrina disaster as "an utter disgrace," actor-activist Sean Penn today unveiled his design for a gigantic man-controlled robot suit that, if successful, could bail out the waterlogged city of New Orleans "within a matter of hours."

Penn said he struck upon the idea during a recent independent rescue operation, and quickly sketched out a design on the back of a film script he had been reading. Code named "Iyamasama," Penn's 900-foot tall mecha design features a 250,000 gallon red plastic kegger cup potentially capable of moving millions of gallons of contaminated water from the streets.

"Unlike the Bush war machine, this mecha will be solar-powered," noted Penn.

Penn said he had already dispatched several of his publicists to Tokyo to pass his design to top Japanese scientists.


Federal Emergency Management Adminstration Director Michael Brown today issued a warning to Gulf Coast residents to be on the lookout for Hurricane Katrina, a tropical storm that he said may reach landfall as early as last Sunday.

"I understand it may be large," said Brown. "We encourage residents to seek shelter for their families and their Arabian horses."


In a televised interview with CNN's Larry King, New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin today angrily criticized government response to the Katrina disaster, noting that state and federal officials had "failed to anticipate and factor in my obvious corruption and incompetence."

"What kind of bubble do these idiots live in?" said Nagin. "For crissakes, this is New Orleans, and me, we're talking about."


New Orleans Looters Association spokesman Kevin Broussard said his group would press local, state and federal officials for immediate delivery of emergency generators to power plasma screen televisions, silenced since the onset of New Orleans flooding.

"We in the looting community have now been without electric power and TV for 8 consecutive days," said Broussard. "America needs to step and fulfill its broken promise of rich colors and amazing lifelike high definition."


Eyewitnesses say that forces loyal to Orleans Parish Supreme Anchor Katie Couric were able to repel a daring twilight amphibious assault by Jefferson Parish Diva Oprah Winfrey's elite Oxygen Rangerettes Thursday, but these accounts could not be independently verified.

If accurate, Tulane University History professor Alan Marks said the reports may signal "the beginning battle of the final war for global feminine ego supremacy."

"Or not," he added, noting tomorrow's scheduled arrival of Senator Hillary Clinton.


Fox News reporter Geraldo Rivera today lavished praise on Alma Boucher, the 76 year old disabled New Orleans woman featured in Rivera's latest story segment, as "one of the true unknown heros of this tragedy."

"We needed a money shot that really drove home the pathos of the Katrina disaster, and Mrs. Boucher was a real trooper through all 43 takes," said Rivera. "I don't think America will ever forget those images of me rescuing her, and her plucky little dog Sparky, after she carries him up that long flight of hospital steps."

Rivera admitted that Boucher's delirium from six days without food or water may have made her more susceptible to stage direction, but defended her on-screen abilities.

"Method acting or not, this is one gutsy lady," said Rivera.


Louisiana Governor Kathleen Blanco today said that state response to the Katrina disaster was hamstrung by "a federal penal system that incarcerates many of Louisiana's best public servants."

"There are literally dozens of top state officials who wanted to roll up their sleeves and pitch in with help, but the US Justice Department would not grant them parole or even weekend furloughs," complained Blanco.

"We need these veteran public servants back in action now," said Blanco. "With federal aid money arriving soon, somebody's going to have to know where to best direct it."


Hurricane survivors in New Orleans praised the Federal Emergency Management Administration for insuring that federal fire rescue workers are given mandatory sexual harrassment training before deployment to the region.

"When I heard that the replacement firemen were held up in Atlanta for gender sensitivity seminars, I thought, 'thank God,'" said survivor Linda Bagwell. "If someone is going to pull me or my corpse from a burning building, I want to know that he won't be using any inappropriate remarks or touching."

Chris Muir at Day By Day has this take on the MSM's latest, most disgusting foray into carnography:

Scrappleface provides us some important backstory:

CNN Petitions to Dig Up Hastily-Buried Flood Victims

by Scott Ott

(2005-09-10) -- The Cable News Network (CNN), fresh from a legal triumph allowing it to televise the recovery of dead flood victims, today asked a federal judge to allow it to dig up and videotape any bodies buried in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina.

"While we were petitioning the court to cover the recovery of corpses, some victims were hastily buried," said an unnamed CNN spokesman. "Our viewers have a right to see the decaying flesh of each and every citizen who perished from lack of federal government assistance. That's why the First Amendment exists."

The network source said news anchors will issue the following warning before each 'CNN Cadaver Closeup' segment:

"Caution: the following report includes disgustingly graphic depictions of rotting human flesh. If you can possibly look away from your TV set, do so now...especially if you have any relatives in the South that you haven't heard from since Hurricane Katrina hit."

I seem to recall that the MSM was very reluctant to show pictures like this after 9/11:

Didn't want to inflame public anger, doncha know. No, that would be wrong. Of course, the dead in NOLA are a different matter: they're just a bunch of black folks whose votes can no longer be bought with walk-around money. They're no longer of much use. Nonetheless, they can perform one last service in death for the party that took such good care of them in life, by becoming grisly poster children for the cause of Blaming Bush.

And speaking of corpses, House minority leader Nancy Pelosi (whose name means "botox" in Italian), made some helpful remarks the other day that rival iowahawk's parodies:

He choose someone with absolutely no credentials. And you know what, when I said to the President that he should fire Michael Brown, he said “why would I do that”? I said “because of all that went wrong, with all that didn’t go right last week”. And he said “what didn’t go right”? Oblivious, in denial, dangerous.

Hideous undead creature rises from grave,
seeks to blame Bush for hurricane

By the way, I don't mind the idea of firing Michael Brown. In fact, I think, Brown, the looters, and CNN's carnographers should all be subjected to a different form of "firing." Here's how they dealt with such folks after the devastating 1900 Galvaston hurricane:

Looters found despoiling the dead were summarily executed by the militia - stood against the nearest wall or pile of debris and shot without the hindrance of a trial. The same brutal justice was delivered to amateur photographers. “Word received from Galveston today indicates that Kodak fiends are being shot down like thieves. Two, it is stated, were killed yesterday while taking pictures of nude female bodies.”

Incidentally, word up to the Democrat's Queen of the Undead: Brown has resigned.


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