My Photo
Location: Montgomery Area, Alabama, United States

Former BUFF driver; self-styled military historian; paid (a lot) to write about beating plowshares into swords; NOT Foamy the Squirrel, contrary to all appearances. Wesleyan Jihadi Name: Sibling Railgun of Reasoned Discourse

Wednesday, February 09, 2005

I Always Kinda Suspected After Watching Tennessee Tuxedo

Tennessee was always a little too well made-up, strutting around in his tux. Always just a bit too chummy with Chumley. More than a bit of a Fab Five vibe, y’know?

(And Phineas J. Whoopee? Whoa. Let’s just not go there, okay?)

Not that there’s anything wrong with that. It’s just…I always kinda knew. I think we all did. Now there’s proof.*

It’s not just flightless waterfowl, however. We all know there’s a larger toon problem here.

I mean, Spongebob?

C’mon--pink & yellow squishy-boys frolicking arm-in-arm? It's obvious, isn't it? Others agree.

And now there's evidence that the subversive effect of this phenomenon goes deeper than anyone suspected:

The fellow on the right even looks a bit like Patrick...

And Teletubbies…? And their live-action counterparts? Oh dear.

Where will this end?? Next thing y’know, it’ll be Catholic priests. Oh….wait….**


{Bow to Reason}


Update: Hans wieghs in:

Very OUCH!! For the first time in my life, I find myself disagreeing with Monk. I know it is hard to believe but he has it all wrong with the cartoon personalities living among us. For starters, they are among the most business saavy and astute characters I know. On a recent trip to Bermuda, I ran into no other than Smurfette. For starters, she is much taller than I imagined (at least 12" tall) but she was well spoken, articulate and open minded. We talked for quite some time and the conversation came around to how in the heck did she afford a trip to Bermuda with a huge condo on the beach. Her answer was short and sweat. She said, "Look honey, I was one girl in a village of 350 guys. Why don't you think I opened a bakery?" Oh my!! A true business woman. All I can say is that she, her grandchildren and their grandchildren's grandchildren will never have to work.

As for Spongebob. Goofy? Hell yes. Dopey? Certainly? But the man owns, in coonjunction with Opus, more than their share of "Gentleman's Clubs." Spongebob
has a personal "Stable" of celebrities that any Kentucky Derby man would be proud to own. If you are nice to me, I can probably hook you up with Betty Boop.

Yes dear Monkster, you have these characters all wrong. Morally bankrupt and socially reprhensible, without a doubt. But no man can or should ever doubt their heterosexual leanings.

PS - I intentionally left out Barney and those gay-ass Teletubies. They make me sick.

Lighten up my Monksterman.


Okay, I grant you that SBSP might go both ways; Opus, too. I mean, in SpongePants, there's that squirrel .... thing ... who seems to be female (although she's the most butch character on the show...) But just consider the logistics of for a moment, Hans: She/it breaths air; SquareBob ... uh ... doesn't breath. How would ......? I mean ........?


Still, I must be nice to you. Can you really get me a date with Boop? She is pure, liquid hotness!


* The Germans may be a bit off-base importing creatures from Sweden,**** however. Are there penguins in Texas? (Our Penguin SME says yes, but they drag gay penguins behind their pickup trucks, so they may not be the best choice either.)

** I’m real sorry for that one. Couldn’t resist. (Got at least five Catholic readers…should provoke them…) Lord, I apologize for that ... and be with them pygmies down in Borneo...)

*** Hey—how many blogs have footnotes?

**** I include a link to this verminous, hateful site as a tasteless joke only (and if that doesn’t get you to look at it, nothing will!) These boys are no different than Zarqawi in my book. And they should suffer the same fate.

<< Home