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Location: Montgomery Area, Alabama, United States

Former BUFF driver; self-styled military historian; paid (a lot) to write about beating plowshares into swords; NOT Foamy the Squirrel, contrary to all appearances. Wesleyan Jihadi Name: Sibling Railgun of Reasoned Discourse

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

That Was Close!

It seems President Dubya has made a deal that narrowly averts civil war in Iraq. Scrappleface has all the details:

(2006-03-20) — Under pressure from Sen. Joseph Biden, D-DE, to prevent a civil war in Iraq, President George Bush today ordered a New York-based finance firm to arrange a merger between Iraq’s radical Sunni and Shiite sects.

If the new entity, dubbed Shuniite Islam (pronounced Shoe-Knee-Ite), passes muster with anti-trust regulators, the sect will have a commanding share of Iraq’s radical religion market, according to an unnamed White House source.

“I can’t believe we didn’t think of this sooner,” said the Bush Administration insider. “Thanks to Joe Biden, the Iraqi people will benefit from the synergies and economies of scale that come from a united Islam, sharing a common vision to annihilate the Great American Satan and his despicable Zionist minions.”

Merger negotiations between the factions have apparently settled every major issue except the equitable distribution of eternal rewards following joint martyrdom missions.

That was a close call, but it's gratifying to see nacent capitalism come to the aid of nascent democracy.


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