A Smashing Success

"NASA's" Deep Impact mission to comet Tempel 1 has so far been a complete success. The mission consists of Impactor, designed to punch a hole in the comet's crust, and a flyby probe, designed to monitor the results of the impact from a safe distance. By spectrally analyzing the ejecta, scientists hope to learn much about matter in the early solar system, since the comet's interior is thought to have changed little since it was formed, four and a half billion years ago or so.

The Impactor hit Tempel 1 late on the 3rd of July, as planned, and the imaging probe sent back spectacular pictures of the encounter. This was the work of the young team at the Jet Propulsion Lab, the same group that gave us the Mars rover. This was not the work of the Houston / Florida / DC NASA big-government axis, which gave us Hubble and two wrecked shuttles. Why the latter are still in the space business (vice prison) is a scientific mystery that still needs exploring. Perhaps a new JPL probe? "Deep Incompetence," mebbe? Have it slam into the NASA building in Washington at 23,000 mph. Any collateral damage caused by molten ejecta would ultimately be beneficial to the Republic.

Needless to say, anything the US does well will bring out the moonbats and other parasitic life forms. This from a commentator on the Google sci.space.com group whose view is mirrored many places across the web:

What the HELL is this destructive STUNT doing?

As it happens, we haven't inventoried all asteroids which pose in fact a threat to Earth and while this stunt happens far away from the inner ring of the Solar System, it has unpredictable effects. The scientists in charge of this bullshit mission can only claim that material won't be ejected in such a way to harm Earth.

By taking pot shots at comets, NASA is adding a new variable to an unsolved set of highly complex equations, therefore the Yahoos who authorized this stunt are probably, also, global warming "skeptics" who, despite their skepticism, believe that the earth was created in seven days.

Science that DESTROYS is BAD SCIENCE.

This is the type of "science" that motivated the Tuskegee experiments in which African American men were deliberately dosed with syphilis!

BAD science! BAD! Stop that! Get down!

Breathe, dearie, breathe...

Well, we shoulda guessed them KKKristers and "global warming 'skeptics'" were behind it all. Now we know.

Hey, I wonder if the syphilis they infected them Tuskeegee airmen with wuz a special type 'a SPACE syphilis! I bet it wuz an' I bet KKKarl Rove knew about it!! They wuz prob'ly in league with the, y'know, Nazis to bring back space bugs for their bio weapons labs. Been doin' it since the '30s! Y'know...the Nazis invented big rockets and we used those same rockets for years after World War II. Now we know why!!

(Okay...now I feel ready to write posts for Daily Kos.)

This was intended as satire:

The People of Ziquikcikty )
(also known as Comet Tempel-1); )
A class, seeking )
certification as such; )
Plaintiffs )
)
v. )
)
Michael A'Hearn, )
Rick Grammier, )
Alphonso Diaz, )
Michael Griffin, )
Karl Rove, )
Andrew Card, )
Richard Cheney, )
George W. Bush, )
...Government of Bars and Stripes; )

...DEMANDS

25. Plaintiffs demand that suitable disaster aid be made available to the beings of Ziquikcikty.

26. Plaintiffs demand monetary damages for loss of sentience, mental anguish, injury, property damage, and the plague of premature larval stage spawning, in an amount to be determined.

But truth is often stranger than fiction:

Russian Astrologer Sues NASA Over Comet

MOSCOW (AP) - NASA's mission that sent a space probe smashing into a comet raised more than cosmic dust - it also brought a lawsuit from a Russian astrologer.

Marina Bai has sued the U.S. space agency, claiming the Deep Impact probe that punched a crater into the comet Tempel 1 late Sunday "ruins the natural balance of forces in the universe," the newspaper Izvestia reported Tuesday. A Moscow court has postponed hearings on the case until late July, the paper said.

The probe's comet crash sent up a cloud of debris that scientists hope to examine to learn how the solar system was formed.

Bai is seeking damages totaling 8.7 billion rubles ($300 million) - the approximate equivalent of the mission's cost - for her "moral sufferings," Izvestia said, citing her lawyer Alexander Molokhov. She earlier told the paper that the experiment would "deform her horoscope."

NASA representatives in Russia could not immediately be reached for comment.

...Because they were still laughing...or were busy buying new shuttle tiles from the Russian mob (they're cheaper that way...)

Another new JPL project that should get priority funding: Deep Insect. It will take all the trial lawyers in the US, place them into a large spacecraft, and fly them into the cometary body closest to earth. Objective: significantly improve US society by removing all trial lawyers.

Monk